Skip to main content

Full text of "The Pig Paper #14"

See other formats


STYIPIG14 



GARY PIG: Editor 

CINDY PIG: Help! 

NO-ONE: Chief Columnist 

krissy: more help! 

KAUPHYN NAILS: Pigossip 

Columnist (Cat State 

Long Beach) 

MICK CLINTROCK: Pig's 

Own Jimmy 01 sen 

JOHNNY WONDERFUL: Boy 

Wonderful 

BELINDA JOHNSTON: Staph 

Photographer 

(GoldenWest) 

GARY SPERRAZZA?: Guest 

Writer 

DUNCAN STUPOR: 

Advertising! 

and Thanks To Everybody 

Else except Jason, 

ENTIRE CONTENTS 
COPYRIGHT© JANUARY i98l\ 
BY PIG PRODUCTIONS. 
P.O.Box 2700, Huntington 
Beach, California 92647 




*Wi*. 




"URBO 
GRAVIS VANITAS 



99 



MR. PIG, JUST EXACTLY WHAT IS A PIG PAPER? 

It's exactly a new publication from 
Huntington Beach, California about all things 
pop, sort of. 

A "NEW" PUBLICATION? BUT IT SAYS NUMBER "14" ON 
THE COVER. 

Well, yes, there exists thirteen previous 
issues north of the border - everthing from a 
written-sMlst-lining-nip-for-Who-tickets Who 
issue or two to the FIRST post-pistols Johnny 
Rotten/Lydon interview to a Dave Clark Five 
edition to a "greatest hits" 
Pranotional-compilation-PIG magazine - but I 
prefer not to discuss those. 

SO WHY HAS THE PIG PAPER CHOSEN TO RETURN HERE 
AND NOW? 

Here because it beats Toronto, and Now 
because it's 1982 (finally). 

THUMBING THROUGH PIG PAPER 14, I CAN'T HELP BUT 
NOTICE THAT YOU'RE NOT 
YOUR AVERAGE ROCK MAGAZINE. 
Nor your's, either. 

HOW DOES ONE GO ABOUT COMPILING AND PRODUCING A 
PIG PAPER? 

First, "one" rounds up a half-dozen-or-so 
fellow " jornalists" by combing local record 
bars and Dick Dale (patron PIG saint) concerts, 
acquiring lots of pens, notebooks, and 
double-sided tape, tuning in KLON, staying up 
til 5am for a week, then finding a photocopier 
"one" can use after dark for free. 

WILL THERE BE MORE PIG PAPERS FORTHCOMING? 

The More the Merrier, I always say. How many 
and how often depends on how many of our 
readers actually take the iniative and submit 
their own stories, pictures, recordings, and 
ideas for publication, and how often they do 
so. 

AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE BY ALL 
THIS? 

Pig Paper 15. 



„,*?*-'», 






! ** » - 



we /raw? youx % 

LETTERfJj 




fhmirake Lodge 
Richmond. Patk. 
England W.t>.W 



£ applaud yon. e4$rff3» 
P/edSe yp k&p iU spirit' 



Deot PW *«<»'• ... ,, „ you a nd your «» d J'"' t ",' numbre 

*B please. 



i 



Yours truly. 

BIU MUler. M£N ) 

(base player THE bN 







PIG PICKS 



Guest 
Writer: 




David Levy's been a friend 
for a while and when I found out 
he was putting on another 
BAUHAUS BRAWL, I thought I might 
as well drop by see what kind of 
merriment (mayhem-ED.) ensued. 

The first generation flyers 
had the line up something like 
this: MODERN GOLF, VEINS, 
BLADES, and THE CROWD, but the 
actual show held a surprise or 
two. . . 

After passing the site and 
almost ending- up in Reno (Buena 
Park, same thing -ED.), we 
pulled into the Brookhurst 
Elementary School playground (a 
nice enough place for a show). 
Drove until we started running 
over broken beer bottles and 
parked. Inside was fantastic( ! ) , 
perfect size... there were a few 
benches on the sides, a 
whole-lot of dance space, and 
the stage was aprox. 5 ft. above 
the floor. Consequently view was 
no problem: there was even a 
curtain! 

MODERN GOLF played, but I 
didn f t notice (hence, 
no-comment). I was too busy 
getting pissed... but the name 
should speak for itself. 

After the lights came back up 
and with them the night's 
bevvies (almost), we were 



Bauhaus Boy 
PAVIP LEW: 

A Provocative 
Set 'f-Portra.it 





treated to a witty half-hour 
wait, during which I took a look 
at the people around me... 
(present company excepted)... 
GAWD... I mean we all know punk 
was dead so fast it was almost 
still-born, but maybe we all 
hung around for awhile to stare 
at the corpse. So I was curious 
as to who these "new punks" 
were/are. I still don't know WHO 
they are, but I CAN tell you 
they wear ALOT of black, CRASS 
and PiL emblems, still-short 
hair, Swastikas( ! ) , and some 
-get this- moustaches (Not many, 
but - enough to make this reporter 
promptly lose his pink 
squirrel). It seems that most of 
these kid-people would've been 
into disco when it was around if 
they hadn't been to afraid. Lots 
of would-be Marines too.. . . . 

The lights dimmed again as 
the VEINS started crashing. Not 
incredible, but good. And I have 
seen MUCH worse. THEN EXPLODING 
OUT OF NO-WHERE CAME AN 
INCREDIBLE ONE-HALF HOUR 
WAIT/BREAK/PAUSE whilst the next 
band preened themselves behind 
the curtain. WAIT! These aren't 
The Blades! What _is this? Some 
peroxide-pixie-punkette picks 
her stance and bellows, in her 
own inimatable (on this side of 
the Atlantic, anyways...) style, 
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PLEASE, A 
WARM HARD-CORE WELCOME FOR... 
THE PSYCHTONES ! ! ! " 

Stranglerishish bass. Tribal 
drums! Cavalcading guitar. AND, 
best of all, the Singer: a 
too-tall non-descript kid; a 



wanna-be prep wielding "numb 
chucks" ..."pnum chux". . . "dump 
trucks"... you know- sticks with 
chains a la "My Name Called 
Bluce" Lee. IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE! 
Almost hits the guitar player. 
Manages to pop himself on the 
crust. Sings like a deaf 
leppard, Punk for a day. Very 
in-lightening. TOO MUCH! (to say 
the least) "The Psychtones": 
remember, You Saw It First In 
PIG. 

Now came THE BLADES. Nice 
guys, good songs, klean-kut 
kids, pod-munks... allright 
stuff... Really. Almost fresh, 
they reminded this 
perpetually-pissed 1 n f puzzled 
reporter of SALVATION ARMY, who 
are also a good band (send more 
tapes, guys! -ED). THE BLADES 
sharpened the show for my money, 
MAAAAANNNN. People actually 
tried to dance: 

Thirty-pound-year-old weaklings 
slamming as their elder brothers 
and sisters put up their feet 
and watched. Great set. 

Now comes THE CROWD. I dunno, 
they need a shot of rhythm and 
screws or something... I mean, 
individually everyone is good., 
especially Jay, and whatshisface 
the drummer. Weren't THE CROWD 
once? I was to olivered to 
remember, and everyone else in 
attendance was too busy 
crumb-nucking each other with 
the Security (HA!) Crew, severed 
limbs, or whatever else was 
littered underfoot. 

Suddenly, "Uh-oh - 11:30!". 
Here come the f copters... Time 
to: Dash outside, turn on the 
car, tune in Wodney, and drop 
out of sight and mind. Me? I 
bumbed into promoter Levy en 
route out. "Wow, what a show, 
Dave!" I enthused. "How often 
you think I'll get sued next 
week?" was his only reply. See 
you in small claims court, kids. 

NEXT ISSUE: The infamous 
David Street Party Scene 
(*sigh*), Starring Our Pals Mark 
And Andy. ... 




For a Dance 

For a Party . y0 ccassion! 

or tor mi '7 »„»«>«•» 

»MYHO* 

Call r „ 

„ THE LOVED OWES 

848^6888 





IMPROVISATIONAL 

IRONY By ci^iy. Pig, 






JANUARY JS82- 

this being My Own °Li° b ? , mea "- but 

seeing as I L W ? s Pec,al Month, 

like to say Z' bv it!" *■' ' Would 
said month, elLrfJ, m ' ddle °f 
»M have arisen J " OW Co P"cornJ 
itself and others A 1T- P °'° nd *™ 
f°stic BertroZ ,^ ' n J °™ier, 
foes his froggy ££° '** ^dj 
the musical Joneses b ° t keep U P ""h 
romantic for about ,V turnin 9 new 
before discover™* &7%IT** 
too much trouble t„? s > ust 
hisjurngs- 3££L££?eP Voiding 




everyone-' 



'•"- ts - 




FEBRUARY 1982: A/as, we no longer 
have the long-haired bald-headed 
triple-guitar threat of April Wino 
to contend with. Soon after the 
release of "The Revenge Of The Wine 
Queen Of Ixtopia", all sixteen - 
count' em! - members of this 
inimitable pop combo were crushed to 
death by a falling business man 
outside the World Trade .Center. In 
New York Citv. 






York City. 













Johnny Wonder ful*s 

WONDERFUL WORDS 




■ 



(Elvis 1 68th Birthday it was, as we parked the trusty pigmobi/e outside the 
Wonderful residence. The last rays of day struggled through Johnny's levelor blinds 
as Mr. Wonderful Himself is made to comment on music in general - by no means a 
slight task. We join this one-sided discussion already in progress) 



Popular Music Today is disco (don't capitalize that "D", boys), and Olivia 
Newt on- John is still scoring #1's. THAT'S pop(ular) music. Meanwhile, bands like 
Styx, a VERY dead issue, are lining their Malibu coke dens with 
polyplatinum-disc-awards. WHY? Simple: such bands say nothing, do nothing new, go 
nowhere, and neither de-, re-, or pro-gress. They are essentially Faceless. A 
perfect product for today's going-bankrupt-boys-so-let ' s-play-it-safe music 
industry . Thanks to the record companies and raydidio programmers who dictate the 
tastes of 95% of America, people accept and support the ilk of Styx, Foreigner, and 
MOR Speedwagon. Hopefully, only because their audience has no mind of its own; nor 
have they been exposed to anything new or different. 



SEPTEMBER 1982: The Annua/ (and 
painful) Southern California 
Rock'n'Roll Bobsled Races are held 
m Dana Point. Kevin "Cake On My 
Pants, Baby" Richter of the 
Alh"New" Rod Stewart Belly Troupe 
takes first prize after Britishly 
nppmg his arm off on "dead man's 
curve". I lo Ve sports, don't you? 



OCTOBER 1982: cancelled this year 

due to budget 
restraints/misappropriations 



h eck . 



Sev entie s r 82 ™°*e s 



sorry me 'on. 



The capricious Suzi 

NOVEMBER 1982: ornes (for the 
Quatro re-re-emerges U studlesS 

Holiday Season) m a sh /s 

leather jumperette. Qmends 

1 desperately W%» on that Hippy 

for having appear e on he r 

K- zs£ "ifx srss 



tfostalg 



jncli 



ned. Ever 



r, <noo* "I'm Not Nostalgic 

Nor Have I Been in ' Box ing 

Ever 11 already out of prim. 
Day forfeited o^r^sjue ° 

-•" on the desk..- 



are s 



till 



. 



} 9 for 






itself is a white/black genre. Nowadays, The Police (current hit machine 
extrodinaire) dilute all of the above plus reggae and blue-beat. Or take The Stray 
Cats (please!), whose "Stray Cat Strut" mimics, note for note, Count Basle* s 
immortal "Ride On"; or witness Joan Jett and Billy Idol f s photocopied Tommy James 
And The Shondells hits. And Tommy James isn't even black! And in your own backyard, 
The Loved Ones combine The Monkees, Dave Clark Five, Beach Boys, Who, themselves, 
and everyone else I know that's great. And So It Goes. 

I don't know... people say they can't get into the old records because they 
aren't perfectly performed or flawlessly recorded, which is caca. All I know is • 
that when you're out til three and you wake up with a hangover that makes you 
consider suicide as a better-than-most solution, you don't want to hear depressing 
songs about lovers' quarrels while you're trying not to upchuck it into the trash 
can luckily parked by your bed. You want to hear Louis Jordan doing "What's The Use 
In Getting Sober If You're Just Gonna Get Drunk Again". I'll talk more about The 
Greats On 78 's later, but in the meantime, ask your grandfather what HE listened to 
at 17. Chances are it was the same rhymes 'n' riffs you're listening to today. And 
while we're on the subject, don't bother asking the obvious question - "Is there 
such a thing as an ORIGINAL pop song" - or I'm liable to answer with "Ziggy 
Stardust" by David Bowie! 




I succumb to 'the weTghTof Wi " "na,,y 
I things wrapped >rn, I J °" lho ^ 

\ont will be f ne a f° r e- mentioned 

I" o compromise "" 9 , re ° Sed u ? °"« 

I days will find L,™ The following 

^o-prZos't-net n^'" 9 '"'° "*ir 



APRIL 1982: no predictions this 



strike on 



North Dakota 



I 



MAY 1982: If we thought Public 
Image was something for Tom Snyder 
(not to mention Dick Clark) to 
reckon with, we weren't prepared for 
Mr.Lydon's new company/band "The 
Useless Minstrels". This 
non-touring, non-profit, non-musical 
assembly will be accepting limited 
donations of bangers'n'mashed to 
their favourite charities. In metal 
boxes only please. 



SUMMER i 8? , 

Vocation except f'^T^* Permanent 
"'« Loved On es r£ he "odiously™' 
ovonob/e" fountt' h ' S cute yet Y 
'Suzanne B^T-LT^ °f 
> n °dvertentlx, r- J c f UQr tet 

^•ngton Bead £,£ P °^ >"J 
Zoning Pro^^^^in 




What's as much of a crime is so-called "Progressive" music, which is just 
another name for non-melodic, technological parrot-dropping. This is a trap that 
many seemingly bright kids fall into, and that's quite a sin unto itself. 

So much for BAD music. What's GOOD music then? Listen: this is a GREAT 
example - Doris Day doing "Lullaby Of Broadway". People call such material 
commercial because they remember it from somewhere / sometime, which shows how much 
you can trust labels... 

There is SO MUCH music out there, I can safely wager, that most of you have 
never heard. But I bet you'd recognize the majority of it from throughout your own 
record collection because today's pop is without a doubt built upon yesterday's 
pre-rock pop of the 20's, 30 's, and 40' s. And yesterday's pop is itself firmly 
rooted in earlier a/k/a Black music. 



As the Blasters would be the first to admit, "American Music" = "Black" 
Music. This is a fact. Consequently, the reason America remains the world's leader 
in music is that (this isn't supposed to sound racist) we house so many blacks 
within our borders. To draw a handy analogy, Elvis (ie: "That's When Your 
Heartaches Begin") comes from The Mills Brothers and Ink Spots (ie: "Either It's 
Love Or It Isn't"); Pat Boone, Bill Haley, et al followed Elvis in further 
homogenizing black bop 'n' R+B. The Stones and Beatles harken as well back to 
rhythm' n' blues, adding a dash of Motown ("the sound of young America") which in 




"INTERVIEW" 

with MICK 
CLINTROCK 



i 



It Was a grey evening. The sun 
hod already sank into the Pacific as my 
bus deposited me at the door of the 
southland's veteran watering hole, The 
Drowning Pool. Inside lurked a LIVING 
LEGEND who NEVER recorded "Louie Louie" 
- need we say more? 




JERRY LEE LEWIS 



PIG- WELCOME TO ORANGE COUNTY, MR. LEWIS. IT'S AN 

HONOR TO MEET YOU. 

JLL- I know it is. But listen, son - you can call me 

Jerry. 

PIG- THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU FEELING THESE DAYS, MR. 

LEW— I MEAN, JERRY... YOU HAD THE WHOLE WORLD 

SITTING ON THE EDGE OF ITS SEATS WITH YOUR RECENT 

ILLNESS. 

Well, this is a pretty big old world.... 

AS SERIOUS AN ILLNESS AS THE MEDIA LED 



US 



son, ALL illness 
"You don't know 



is serious. Like I've 



what you've 



got til it's 
the wife 

BACK ON THE 



JLL- Did I? 

PIG- WAS IT 

TO BELIEVE? 

JLL- First, 

always said, 

gone". But... I ain't dead. Yet. Besides, 

was after me to lose some weight anyhow. 

PIG- AND AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, ALREADY YOU'RE 

ROAD. 

JLL- Well, it's the only life this broken down piano 

picker knows. But I've jumped bigger hurdles than 

this and kept on rockin' . 

PIG- I SHOULD SAY SO, SIR - UM, JERRY. YOU CERTAINLY 

PUT ON QUITE A SHOW TONIGHT. 

JLL- TWO shows, boy. I go on again at midnight. I'm a 

workin' man! Besides, the liquor comes free. You look 

like a scotch-drinkin' man yourself, (suddenly, Jerry 

motioned over a bartender and before I knew it, I was 

nursing the BIGGEST shot glass I'd ever seen.) What's 

the matter? You should be able to down that in a 

flash, high pockets! 

PIG- I'VE NEVER SEEN A SHOT GLASS I COULDN'T PUT MY 

HAND AROUND! 



1 — B 
- — EBB 

1 JB 

1 ffi 

— s» 

— [ jmm 
— iM 

. ' — 



JLL- Owner's my cousin. I 

got a hell of alot of 

cousins. 

PIG- SPEAKING OF COUSINS, 

THE BIGGEST THREAT TO 

YOUR CAREER SO FAR WOULD 

HAD TO HAVE BEEN YOUR 

INFAMOUS MARRIAGE TO 

MYRA, YOUR 

ELEVEN- YEAR-OLD COUSIN, 

BACK IN 1957. 

JLL- Thirteen son, 

thirteen. And I don't 

take kindly to words like 

"infamous". People seem 

too quick to judge. Then 

And Now. "LET HE WHO IS 

WITHOUT SIN...". 

PIG- ...? 

JLL- I said, "LET HE WHO 

IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE 

FIRST STONE". Don't you 

read your bible, son? 

PIG- (jokingly) I'M 

WAITING FOR IT TO COME ON 

HBO. 

JLL- (standing up, 

sternly) Did I detect a 

bit of irreverent humor 

there? THAT'S the problem 

nowadays: Too many damn 

jokes! 

PIG- WELL, I MEANT... 

JLL- I know exactly what 

you meant. Times ain't 

changed much since '57- •• 

or the YEAR ONE for that 

matter... People always 

been kinda devo. What's 

that sayin 1 - "Roll With 

the flow"? It's that 

kind of thinking that 

got us where we are 

today. And that ain't 

very far. 

PIG- YOU'RE KNOWN AS A 

VERY OUTSPOKEN MAN. 

JLL- I know where I been, 

I know where I am, and I 

sure as HELL know where 

I'm goin'. Can you say 

the same for yourself, 

son? 

PIG- SURE. I'M GOING BACK 

TO U.C.I. IN THE SPRING. 

JLL- U.C. What? 

PIG- UCI. 

JLL- Yeah, I see you 



(laughter) and I ain't to 
sure I like what I see. 
Answer just one question. 
PIG- OKAY. 

JLL- How often you shave? 
PIG- PARDON ME? 
JLL- Once a week? Twice? 
Like I was sayin'- I know 
where I'm going. In fact, 
somtimes I can see the 
end of that big old road 
called Life. And I've 
seen more forks on that 
road than you've ever 
seen miles. Ain't that 
the truth? But, I've 
always stuck to the 
right, when everyone else 
was runnin' this way and 
that, like chickens with 
their heads cut off... 
Hell, Elvis — One 
minute, it's just him and 
me, neck'n'neck, goin' 
for that rock'n'roll 
crown. But "E", he was 
never the King in my 
books. He came outta the 
Army singin' ballads and 
makin' movies. And on the 
radio there weren't 
nothin' but "Bobby n s! 
Hell, Bobby Vinton. Bobby 
Darin. Bobby Vee. Bobby 
Curtola. Bobby Wyman. 
Bobby Idol.... Y'know, I 
was the only one left 
playin' REAL rock'n'roll. 
Then AND Now. 

Have you seen today's 
excuse for these 
rockefellers — er, 
Rockabillies? Rockabilly 
my candy ass! Before 
these pussies was even 
hatched, Jerry Lee was 
pushin' flaming Steinways 
off the Atlantic City 
Pier! Exceptin' for 
Johnny Wonderful, there 
ain't NOBODY that can 
come close to me. Ain't 
that right? You damn well 
can't argue with history. 
PIG- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A 
FAN OF YOURS. 
JLL- Few have truly stuck 
by me through thick and 
thin. 



PIG- I'VE ALWAYS REMAINED 

LOYAL. EVEN AFTER DEAN 

MARTIN. " 

JLL- How's that? 

PIG- I'VE SEEN "THE NUTTY 

PROFESSOR" EIGHT TIMES! 

JLL- Nutty? What EXACTLY 

are you on about boy!? 

Watch. yourself now - 

Straighten up! Drink 

easy! 

PIG- BUT JERRY, YOU'VE 

BEEN AROUND TWENTY-FIVE 

YEARS. 

JLL- Yup. 

PIG- THAT'S ALOT OF 

SHOWS. 

JLL- (laughter) Thafes 

alot of wives! 

PIG- YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED 

ABOUT HALF-A-DOZEN TIMES- 

JLL- But who's countin'. 

PIG- ...YOU'VE LOST TWO 

OF YOUR SONS TO SENSELESS 

DEATHS- 

JLL- Our Almighty Creator 

works in some mighty 

mysterious ways... 

PIG- . . .YOU SHOT YOUR 

BASS PLAYER ONCE- 

JLL- They don't call me 

"The Killer" for nothin 1 ! 

PIG- YOU EVEN TRIED TO 

SHOOT ELVIS ONCE. 

JLL- (defensively) I DID? 

(pause) Oh yeah, maybe I 

did. Well, someone had to 

try to put that sumbitch 

outta his misery... 

PIG- BUT STILL, YOU AND 

YOUR PUMPIN' PIANO ROLL 

ON. HOW? WHAT KEEPS YOU 

GOING? THE MONEY? THE 

DRUGS? THE WOMEN? OR 

SIMPLY A LUST FOR LIFE? 

JLL- Let me address them 

items one by one: Money? 

Yeah, I can use it. 

Drugs? Hell no! I smoked 

a joint once, and I 

started singin' like 

Johnny Cash. Then all of 

a sudden I sounded like 

Kitty Wells! ahh, but 

WOMEN- that's another 

story boy, There ain't 

nothin' finer in this 

whole damn world than the 



love of a good woman. But as for your 
question, I love'em and leave'em. Or they 
leave me. "A whorish woman leads a man as 
an ox to slaughter". But, that "lust for 
life" you spoke of - besides being a -darn 
good title for an album, let me just jot 
that one down- I guess you could say- 
yean, Lust. Lust for that great seductive 
Black 1 Nothing. 
PIG- HUH? 
JLL- Yessir- Now, I ain't talkin' about 




the 


ejac 


that 


pork 


runs 


fuck 


real 


beca 


beyo 


You 1 


supr 



orgasm as PETIT MORT, or even the 
ulation of the hanged man. Hell, 
's about as meaningful as a can of 
and beans! I'm talkin' about what 
through your mind when you've been 
ing for maybe a couple of days, and 
ize that you're still fucking,, 
use your lustin' after something 
nd flesh... BEYOND rock'n'roll, 
re lustin after that onrushing, that 
emely seductive Black Nothing. 




irniimmimni 



I'm talkin 1 about what runs through your mind when 
you've had so many drinks and so many pills that you start . 
to get aroused in a very Spiritual sort of way; in how many 
drinks and pills it'll take you to get to the very edge of 
that elusive Black Nothing. I ain't sure this is exactly 
what Hammer or Blackwell had in mind when the wrote me 
"GREAT BALLS O'FIRE", but it sure as hell is what Jerry 
Lee's got in HIS mind when he sings "Too much love drives a 
man insane"! 
PIG- ONE LAST QUESTION BEFORE I'VE GOT .TO CATCH THE LAST 

BUS YOU'VE OFTEN SAID THAT YOU BELIEVE, FUNDAMENTALLY, 

YOU'RE A GOOD CHRISTIAN SOUL, AND THAT YOU'VE TRIED TO LIVE 
A DECENT, HONEST, YET FULL LIFE. 

JLL- Yes, I have tried. MOST of the time, anyways 

PIG- BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU SEEM CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE 
DOOMED TO HELL FOR SINGING ROCK AND | ROLL. 






erry Lee & Myra 



:■:,;■. ' ■''.;H''-"-'-' : 'i&'-'.^ 



JLL- Now, that may smell of paradox, 

but essentially, it's the one-and-only , 

God-fearin', Bible-beatin' Truth! Like 

I already said:- I know where I been, I 

know where I am, and- 

PIG-...YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOING TO ROT 

IN HELL. 

JLL- Y,ou took the : words right outta my 

mouth, son. 

PIG- BUT WHY?? WHAT'S THE REASON FOR 

NAILING YOURSELF TO A CROSS?? 

JLL- (Jerry looked at me... took a drag 

off of his Havana, then (without 

exhaling) took another swig of Old Crow 

whilst blowing whiskey-stained cigar 

smoke at the ceiling) Because for the 

life of me, I just can't picture Jesus 

Christ doin' a whole lotta shakin' . 






y 4i 



9 



/ 



uw'»* 






l***** l98 \ 



reverend ^ d ^ * 

P^','*.*-' 1 "' rf ttd. » ear - . oU r «»««>** »»"*!, fist ■>»* , 



-^W^ii^ Jt*» year ' - our concern ^ tetld B ° * mfld 

„ on the *we end ot troT rv our r ^ tie desVfii- 

November- d v«t o^^ tlp u B l9 h» r ^ «»*• 

W 1 ue convu 1 " j i.b<- -jetttt * ,_ r . Jerry 

^ etV % a ble sources bar rass^ [or . booVt 




UUtns. ^^vdng P^f bet v,een ^ * otY , you £* „ • Q ^ 



^ssz&ssz - toe " 1 1 - - - 

°" e9t "*« > w ° * .„,,„ to. «^ h ' 

fia ea. r * . ^ho l° v 

an o! God. oajj*- 
a. a a m atv " v repr° ac 



God. 



Slncer 

m 



Ga\e 



i/6^ 



L.e 



wis 




HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTS. 

JerrM Lee and Nora's 
J Wedding pic 



' 



■- 



U?/ opinion 



Umm, Hi. I am 
No-One. That sounds kinda 
odd, but it's the truth. 
"'Doubly Doubly Doubly', 
she said thricely ", 
nonsense. How can "No-one" 
be "Some-one"? Good 
question. I might have been 
a little more substantial 
at one time, but if I was I 
don't remember... Actually, 
being No-one has its 
advantages, but there's one 
BIG disadvantage: Lack of 
Miss. No-one, you know, 
"Some-one" to do things 
with. I know, I know, I'm 
looking for a non-existent 
girl. I'll find her so I 
don't worry, though it's 
amazing how many girls love 
ME. But some good that" 
does: they don't even know 
I exist! Well, in the 
meantime, I've started to 
commit my thoughts to PIG 
PAPER, and hope that 
"some-one" can/will read 
them before the ink fades. 

"What advantages?" 
you ask. Jeepers- they 
ALMOST offset the lack of 
anyone to do them with! 
Actually, if you want to 
know what kinds of things I 
can do that "some-one" 
can't, just ask yourself 
what kinda things "no-one" 
can do (ie: fly, ride my 
bike to Hollywood, be in 
two places at once when I'm 
not anywhere at all...). As 
a matter of fact, I'm 
watching you read this, but 
of course you dont 
see-feel-hear-smell me. But 
it IS nice to know that / 
"Some-one" (namely you) 
reads this. 



Mostly I like to go 
see bands and stuff, but 
it's hard to find good ones 
around here. There are a 
few, but I'll devote more 
time to those later.... As 
for current music 
everywhere else, I've 
always liked The JAM, Keith 
West, and the' 
Edingslow/Southport Teds 
(who just broke up, but you 
can still get tapes). I 
used to like Tenpole Tudor, 
but my mind changes like 
the ill-wind.- 

REMEMBER: No-one 
listens to KPFK 90.7 
(Pacifica), especially 
"Somethings Happening" 
(Midnight, Mon-Thrs), "Hour 
25" (10:00 pm, Fri), > 
"Maximum Rock and Roll" 
(Midnight, Sat), "Club 907" 
(1:00 am, Sat), "2 O'clock 
Rock" (Sat) with Andrea 
'Enthal (Who SHOULD be , 
program director) and 
Robert Francis. 

AND: No-one drinks 
CLUNY. "Touch not the cat 
bot a glove". God Good and 
Night Bless. / 






"When 
my feet 



I can't 
think" 

— OJOHNF. 
KENNEDY 






"Go to sleep with Yesterday, 
and wake up with Hey Jade" 










^ 



THE AMAZING r—\ 
BEATLEMANIA J J 
MUSICAL 6-WAY / 
CKRONO-ALARM •• 

STOP WATCH 

MHGfT READOUT: HOUR. MNHTTE 
ggS^ SECOND MONTH. DAY AM) DATE. 

Ssir"' wju musical alarm, nus 
KSr-""! nopwra accuracy to n» 

SEC NttSHT UGHT.TOO 




emstaew ummnmtrraMjmummcn 
■wfT-Mtt OGVBEATLE WATCH 

SBiMMltt iu Em 32rt Smmi Mm «*» NT laoi* 
wM Oman, 




MEET 

THE 

PIGS! 










This issue, meet and greet 
perky yet purt, petite and 
endearing BELINDA JOHNSTON, 
the lilting lass behind the 
roving PIG lens. A second-year 
Monkees major at Go/denwest 
College, "B.J." (as she's 
affectionately known 'round 
PIG Productions] likes 
scuba-diving, cuppacino late 
at night by a warm TV, Lindsey 
Buckingham, and "the sauce on 
In-and-Out cheeseburgers" . And 
speaking of tasty treats, 
that's just what it's like 
sharing a sty with the 
appetizing Ms. Johnston. 

We know you'll agree 
that with the likes of 'Linda 
behind the lens, you don y t 
have to be told twice to 
"Watch the Birdie"/ 







gggg guardian js BANGS siHiu 







-'''..' 



' 












IPIGOSSIPIGOSSIPIGOS 



O 

8 



PIG PAP HJBH 
847395 SINRM GJ 
MSG.37 JAN 03/82 

DATELINE: LONDON.... ENGLANDWS CBY WAY OF MARTIN AND THE 
E-CHORDS) NEWEST HITMAKERS THE BARRACUDAS WAXING UP FOR AN 
AMERICAN TOUR WITH KNOTT'S OWN SURF CITY BOYS. -AND IF 
SCREAMING LORD SUTCH WON'T ROADIE FOR US MAYBE JAN BERRY 

WILL!" ENTHUSED CHIEF 'CUDA JEREMY "STUPID SONGS" GLUCK 

...ONE-TIME HIGH PRIESTESS OF THE CARNABETIAN ARMY, TWIGGY* 
CURRENTLY MAKING A SPLASH THROUGHOUT HER CHELSEA DIGS IN 
CELEBRATION OF HER ENGAGEMENT TO BLANK NEW YORKER RICHARD HELL 

AND SPEAKING OF COZY TETE-A-TETE *S, WHAT ANCIENT MOD/ 

POP STAR WITH AN AFFINATY FOR HIENZ BAKED BEANS HAS BEEN 
SEEN HOLDING HANDS WITH THEE PRINCE CH ARMIN GOF THE PNU 



SOOIdlSSOOIdlSSOOldlSSOOIdlSSOOId 



ROMANTICS?? At SEE PIG PAPER 15!.. •• DICK BEECHUM* HEAD OF 

A&R FOR UP AND COMING LOCAL INDIE LABLE "EEL PIE"* DENIES 

ALL RUMORS HIS LATEST SIGNINGS INCLUDE MARYLAND'S "HALF JAPEN- 

ESE" AND A REFORMED "GERRY AND THE PACEMAKERS". PRESSURE 

FROM A FIERCLY JEALOUS HEAD EEL "BIJOU DRAINS" PERHAPS HAD SOME 

SOME BEARINGS ON DICK'S DECISIONS?? OR IS HE JUST PLAYING 

IT SMOGGO TIL THUNDERCLAP NEWMAN'S CONTRACT COMES UP FOR GRABS? 

DATELINE: AUSTRALIA.... 'ELLO ! ! MY NAME IS BUBBLES 

- I 'AM A MODEL FROM NEWPORT BEACH WHO SPENDS CALIFORNIAS 
RAIN* SEASONS IN MELBOURNE* AND HERE'S WHAT'S UP DOWN UNDER 
.... RADIO BIRDMAN HAVE DISBANDED AGAIN AFTER BEING DROPPED 
FROM SIRE RECORDS FOR THE THIRD TIME. .. . FELLOW SIRE CASUAL- 
TIES* THE "KNOW YOUR PRODUCT" SAINTS* ARE ALIVE AND WELL* 
CURRENTLY TOURING PHELLIPINO U.S. NAVAL BASES WITH VETERAN 
AUSSIE-ROCKERS THE EASYBEATS . "HELLO TO ALL OUR PIG PALS* 

WHO WE APOLOGIZE TO FOR NOT WRITING 
CHRIS BAILEY TOLD ME TO TELL YOU.... 
A FRENZIED ORIENTAL SWING* EX-MONKEE 
"NEW MONKS"CCUTE) STOPPED OFF FOR A 
VACATION IN SYDNEY. MANAGER CHRIS BAY 



ESPESCIALLY CINDY* 
SOONER" LEAD SAINT 
EN ROUTE HOME FROM 
PETER TORK AND HIS ' 
S ANDSURF 'N 'SALT-AI R 



*IGOSSIPIGOSSIPIGOSSIPIGOSSIPlGO 

is 



o 

o 

p 

p 

o 

p 

C i 



INSISTED THAT HIS CLIENT IS MOST DEFINITELEY NOT< !) 
INTERESTED IN REUNITING WITH MICKY* DAVID OR EVEN LIQUID 
PAPER HEIR MIKE. "NOT UNLESS WE CAN ARRANGE ANOTHER TOUR 
WITH JIMI HENDRIX- AT LEAST"... GOOD TO SEE GREG P-SHAW AND 
HIS BOMP STILL EXTANT.. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW FROM BUBBLY 
LIL' ME CSORRY NO ACCENT THIS COLUMN- IT'S NOT SATURDAY).... 
DATELINE: TORONTO.... CAPT. JAMES SENSIBLE HERE. UNFORTUNAT- 
LY. ALL CLUBS CLOSED. ALL BANDS GONE- EVEN THE MUCH RUMORED 
SIMPLY SAUCER REUNION/BEUFIT TURNED OUT TO BE NOTHING 
BUT A CRUEL HOAX. NO WONDER GARY TOPP IS SPENDING HIS WEEK- 
ENDS IN PARIS! THAT'S ALL NOW FOREVER.... 

DATELINE: VINNY COAST HIGHWAY.... WHELP* HERE I AM AGAIN ON 
THE PI GOSSIP BEAT UP AND DOWN THE VCH. AS USUAL* I'M IN 
THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE BIGHT TIME - PUTTIN* AROUND HUNTINGTON 
BEACH PIER OUTSIDE THAT G I NCHY LITTLE JOINT NAMED MAXWELL'S. 
WHILE SITTING OUT A RED LIGHT* I SPOT THAT BLOKE WITH THE 
BLACK-RATS-NEST AND THAT WHITE-OUT TAN. YOU KNOW- 
RODNEY! HE HAD JUST ARRIVED. WITH A SWEET LITTLE BIRD* EITHER 
13 OR 31* WHO WAS* OHHH BABY* WORTH FLYING AWAY WITH! AS I 
SWINGS MY DESODA AROUND FOR A SECOND LOOK* I SUDDENLY NOTICED 
THIS SOUL MAN BOPPIN' ROUND ON ROLLER SKATES RAGGIN' DICK 
DALE STYLE ON A WHITE STRAT THROUGH A PIGMEE PORT A- AMP. 
WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR ROD SERLING TO ENTER STAGE RIGHT* 
THIS VENICE BOARDWALK-REJECT PSEUDO-HENDRIX STARTS 
'ENCIRCLIN* ROD (B. * NOT SERLING) AND HIS JAILBAIT SINGING 
"LEADER OF THE PACK". PRETTY SOON* ROLLER-MAN HAD THE WHOLE 
CROWD SHANGRI -LA-LA *ING ALONG C CATCHY TUNE THAT!)* BUT NO 
SOONER HAD WE LAUNCHED INTO THE THIRD VERSE* WHEN OUR 
LEADER* SKATES AND ALL* HOPS INTO RODNEY'S STILL- IDLING 
STUDEBAKER < '56) AND GUNS AWAY WITH IT! OUR DEJECTED DJ 
HERO'S JAW NOW DROPS TO THE PAVEMENT AS HIS DOLLY -BIRD UPS 
LEAVES WITH THE CLOSEST SURFER JOE. I THEN DECIDES TO 
BREAK MY UNDERCOVER TO ASK R.B. WHY THE TEARS. " 'COZ MY 
OLD MAN'S REALLY GONNA GIVE ME THE AIR FOR GETTING HIS CAR 
SWIPED!" MAXWELL'S CLOSES FOR THE NIGHT* AS I TOSS RODNEY 
MY OCTD BUS SCHEDULE* AND HEAD BACK DOWN VCH IN SEARCH OF...* 
... TIL THEN* I REMIND YOU TO KEEP TO THE OUTSIDE LANE* 
AND MAYBE I'LL BE SEEIN' YOU IN PIG PAPER 15! 



dlSSOOIdlSSOOldlSSOOIdlSSO 



Mk -. 



BLINDATE 

In which We play recordings for anybody we can 
get to listen, Don't tell them what they're hearing, 
Tape what they say, and Let You Read It ! 




THIS ISSUE WE SPIN WAX FOR "FLATDISK NEWSLETTER" STARLET 
STEPHANIE FOWLEY (Kim f s Dotter). 






S.F- 
PIG- 
S.F- 
PIG- 
S.F- 









that! 

recorder:) Is that thing 



S.F- 
PIG- 

S.F- 

PIG- 



Hi! 

Hi, Steph. 

C'mon- I f ve asked you not to call me 

Sorry cuddles... better? 

(giggles) Will do... (pointing at my 
already on? 
PIG- (affirmative nod) 

Then turn it off for a bit. 

(affirmative nod) (click) 
A BIT LATER 

Okay. Spin 'em! 

(affirmative nod) (plays "RAVE ON" By THE REAL KIDS -- NOT The 
Rich Kids) 

S.F- Have you got this album on 45 or 
33?... This sounds like Buddy Holly on 
dozen Dramamines and the Crickets on 
speed, but I know it's The Real Kids 
so. .. OFF IT! 

PIG- Sorry cheekie. Gives us a kiss 
while we pop another platter. (Next up, 
for a change of pace: "ABOMINABLE 
SNOWMAN IN THE MARKET" By JOHNATHAN 
RICHMAN) 

S.F- Who's this? The Modern Loved Ones? 
PIG- No, but maybe this is! (HERMAN'S 
HERMITS play: "THE GEORGE AND DRAGON") 
S.F- I heard this one over at Mike 
McDowell's the other day. Boy. was I 
blitzed! Whatever happened to Peter 
Noone anyways? 

PIG- (trembling) He was a big man 
yesterday, but boy you oughta should see 
him now! Anyways, here's a hint on the 
next one: "cellophane swans", (inserts 
cassette of DEPECHE MODE doing "LOCKED 







UP IN A DEAD LETTER 
S.F- ... Have these 
Gene Krupa Story" ? 
PIG- Who's she? 
S.F- Never mind... 
button:) Turn that 
okay? 



OFFICE") 
guys ever 



seen "The 



(pointing at my play 
off for a minute, 





Poufing Sfepttaru'e: 
another record?" 



PIG- (affirmative nod) (click) 

STILL LATER 

PIG- C'mon, first gimme a 

chance to put this on... 

("CEASE TO RESIST" By THE BEACH 

BOYS) 

S.F- I like that line! what is 

it? 

PIG- 

Give 

S.F- 

you 



"Submission is your gift - 
it to your lover". 
Oh! that reminds me- Did 
see Manson on the "Tomorrow 



Show"? 

PIG- Did you ever review a 

record without asking a 

question? 







S.F- What? 

PIG- There! You did it again! 

S.F- Next? 

PIG- Omigod... (I cue up 

"TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A MERRY 

CHRISTMAS" By FRANKIE (Avalon) 

and ANNETTE (Funicello)) 

S.F- This one sounds like a 

Loved Ones/Moteens duet! 

FANTASTIC! 



PIG- .... C'mon, let go 
(skirmish). I said LET GO! I 
gotta put on another tape 
("SPINOUT" By THE DISCHORDS - 
And NOT a remake of Elvis 1 ) 
S.F- Where'd you get this? 
PIG- I used to live at Harris 
Sound. 

S.F- How much you want for it? 
PIG- Snookums baby ( sic -ED ) , 
The Tapes As Good As Yours. 
Just stop asking so many 
F***** g QUESTIONS! and listen 
to... (THE SAN FRANSISCO GODS' 
"CHINA") 

S.F- Is thisThe Soft Boys? 
PIG- You asked a another 
question! Once more and I keep 
the Tape... (the next offering 
is "WADING THROUGH THE 
VENTILATOR" By THE SOFT BOYS) 
S.F- Is this The San Fransisco 
Gods? (giggle) Or just simple 
minded Furs on MDA?, 
PIG- Okay- THAT'S IT. GIMME 
BACK THAT TAPE! (tussle) 
(click) (gnaw) (nuzzle) 
(click)... alright, alright, 
the tape's yours.... 
S.F- But do we HAVE to play 
another record? 
PIG- Just one more, honeykins 
("DANCE WITH ME" By TSOL) 
S.F- (snidley:) Great- all the 
world needs in another girl 
group... Now will you turn that 
thing off and LEAVE IT OFF? 
PIG- YOU ASKED ANOTHER- 
(click.) 




• Can You Tell Right from 

Wrong? 

© Enduring After a Tragic 
Loss 

• Parents, Reach Your 

Child's Heart 



CLASSIFIEDS 



If you rant your 
INDEPENDENT Records/Tapes 
(a) RAVED about and/or (b) 
shot down in flames, send 
them Today to PIG ( P.O. 
Box 2700, Huntington 
Beach, California 92647) 

BORED? Send a dollar to 
Steven Tappen, 5348 Appain 
Way. Long Beach, Ca. 

BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK 
Join 

THE LOVED ONES FUN CLUB! 
Send your Name and Address 
to "The Loved Ones", 
16783 Beach Boulevard, 
Huntington Beach, Ca. 
92647 

CAVALIER PROFESSIONAL 
CARPET CARE 
Carpet and Upholstery 
cleaning. Your 
Satisfaction is Our 
Guarantee. Commercial - 
Residential - Vacant 
Discount. Commercial 
Janitorial Services. Phone 
"Uncle Steve" for Free 
Estimate. (714) 840-4487 
(213) 592-3406 

REALLY BORED?? Run Your 
Own CLASSIFIFD AD! Just 
Write It, Dump It in a 
shoebox with all your cash 
and mail it to PIG 
CLASSIFIEDS care of P.O.B. 
2700, Huntington Beach, Ca 
9264) 

"Lonely Boy" : met you at 
Petty concert. Lost your 
number. PLEASE CALL! luv, 
"Randi Tart" 

HEY! THERE'S MDRE WHERE 
THIS CAME FROM! Why not 
Get It (and LOTS more! ) by 
Subscribing To THE PIG 
PAPER! It's the Only 
logical solution. And it's 
Practical too! Send $5 for 
a Year's worth of PIG 
Products to PIG 
PRODUCTIONS (P.O.Box 2700, 
Hun- well, you should know 
the rest by now...) 



PIG PEN 




If you enj 
PAPER, you' 
delight in 
fine public 
*BLITZ (P.O 
Los Angeles 
90048) 
*FLIPSIDE ( 
Whittier, C 
90608) 
*PR0-FUN (P 
65942, Los 
California 
*RIPPER (14 
Drive, San 
California 
*TIGER BEAT 
Hollywood B 
Hollywood, 
90028) 



vsn ">. p=>i"!-m V:*o 'i >P o r usi,: 



oy THE PIG 
re sure to 
these other 
ations: 

Box 48124, 
, California 

P.O. Box 363, 
alifornia 

.0. Box 
Angeles , 
90065) 
94 Terista 
Jose , 
95129) 
(7060 
lvd. #800, 
California 



oo 
cr» 



CvJ 
CD 

xi 

I 

o 
cd 

Q 






9 

PC 
<C 
Ph 

Q-, 
O 
0-. 

Q 
W 
E-h 

25 
W 
H 
< 

CO 

§ 

H 
H 
O 
!=> 
Q 
O 
PC 

a 

H 

cm 



■=r 

Cm 
Cm 
•H 
P 
CO 
V. 

o 

•H 



•H 
Cm 



§ 

O 

•H 
-P 

cd 
a 

S_ 
CD 
P 

c 



-J CD 

w -p 

3= -P 
O CD 
Cm CO 
CO 

cd 
o 

M 

Q O 

M 

bOpL, 

C^ 

•H 
U 

cd co 

-P <q 



O 

cd 

M 

■p 

PL, 

J 
o 

•H 

CO 
•H 

X5 

,-sO 

CO^-' 

cd w 
o o 

• O 25 

^ CD W 

Q H 



O 

cd 

M 

p 

P-. 
-J 

cd 

•H 
X> 



PC 

O CO 
O H 

o 



pc 
w 
Pu 

gS 
5 

PC Q 
H W 
Pl, 

S 

25 



O 

•"3 



cd Q 

M 

P PQ 

PM 

-J 



T3 W 

a 53 

«3 E-i 



o 


•H 

> 

> 






X» 



O 

•H 

W O 



a-p 

w CO PC 

CO >H 

WhPQ 
H PC PC 
O < <U 

<tj DC 



X> 



Q & 

•-D PQ 

S3 

CO PQ 



Eh 

25 



CO O 

o 

25 M 
O 

M W 

-J ^ 



W 



£3 PQ 
O 

PC H 
PC H 

O PC 
Eh < 
13 
►» 
XI Q 

* si 



& PC 

o w 

Eh 

>,o 

X) 25 



PC W 
<d > 
H «aj 
^D= 

O CO 

w - 

P-. EH 
W 

Q -i 

CO 



LT> CO 

=t Eh 



w w 

Eh 

II 



1 

s 



25 

3 
o 

»"3 

I 

25 
O 



Eh CJ CO O 
25 25 H 25 
J H H 
O i*5 W J 
> J |xi PC 
(jq ^ H <U 
PC Eh J Q 



X> O 
= J 



x> 
>» 

X3 



9 
o 

KWH 

. O CO 

O < H 

^! te^ M 
^ PQ P-. 



C\jCY1^-LT>vOC--OOCrtO 




JM TIME BOMB WITH THE FOUR TEAR OLD 



DIG 



m>-:-m- 



UER HAIR? ' 

- ASKED 

JERRY LEE 

LEWIS 



yum ag» Jeny Lee Lewis 

Ids fint ewr visit to 

tnm cot "bort, 

iMMUNnrr Lee *" and 

'■;*.>- 

V*^ „, who plays 

v cafied the Rebel 

•tea* and began 

Bfee Jerry Lee 

way. Jerry Lee 

#» peatetf thing that's 



iOOOOijOor 




poison the left 

noxt door to Taylor* 
Restaurant 
Mr. Jerry Leo Levi* 
£ K*y Martin 
1220 Sfeftkeepeore avocrio 
Brooklyn 52, Mow York 

Boor Jorry Loo: 





GOES WILD ^ONSTAGEW 



. ver y « s VSickV **SV* Jfi coolud. 
SSI "•? trcle^a" *■—* 

me » reputation as a >»" ' , were 
i nnlv «i* *°?\l food they att 
m ore careful about th. f^., te e o 
au" « hen £y P over-*e-coun.er t 
• n 8 roadside cafes 






Joot o short note to tboak you for the Chrlstao* 
oord. 



Here* • hoeiag tho How Toor oill brio* yoo and yowro 
such happlnee*. 




JERRY LEE S 




S,m Philips' Million Dollar Quartet-left to right are Jerry Lee Lewis^Carl Perkln^vis ^ley (at theJno), and Johnny Casiq 
►iirio troojfoy / 



IT CAN 





o 



)